trying to end things exbf

As many times as I’ve said it’s over.  Trust me it is harder than you think , Well its harder than I thought it would be.  Putting the breaks on a (on again off again) relationship is just not healthy.  Cutting all ties is probably the best solution.  Easier said than done. Yesterday I text the pathetic I’m sorry no excuses but I miss you immensely.  After I sent it I was like omgosh wt heck am I doing? Did I expect a phone call a text back Idk?  All I know is when I sent it I really wished I hadn’t.  It’s not fair to him.  Even though I see the big picture of knowing we aren’t really right for each other. I miss him and I can’t keep wanting him to change when He has never asked me to change.  I do sound pretty selfish.  I realize that and day by day I’ll see that it’ll be the best thing for both of us.  The hard part right now is the loneliness.  I even cut ties w/my major social media because being easily accessible is a vulnerable part of me I need to gather my thoughts without the outside influence.  Whether its my girl friends or my guy friends I need to space out the solitude.  I do need a few distractions but work is picking up so that helps although last night I cried as I was falling asleep : (  ohhhhh the  tears tried to hold back the tears and my heart just couldn’t hold it all in.  I know girls are made from a more emotional string or so it seems.  I wish I had the strength to be stronger w/o so much emotion at times.  That’s who I am.  Day by Day I can do this.


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