As many times as I’ve said it’s over. Trust me it is harder than you think , Well its harder than I thought it would be. Putting the breaks on a (on again off again) relationship is just not healthy. Cutting all ties is probably the best solution. Easier said than done. Yesterday I text the pathetic I’m sorry no excuses but I miss you immensely. After I sent it I was like omgosh wt heck am I doing? Did I expect a phone call a text back Idk? All I know is when I sent it I really wished I hadn’t. It’s not fair to him. Even though I see the big picture of knowing we aren’t really right for each other. I miss him and I can’t keep wanting him to change when He has never asked me to change. I do sound pretty selfish. I realize that and day by day I’ll see that it’ll be the best thing for both of us. The hard part right now is the loneliness. I even cut ties w/my major social media because being easily accessible is a vulnerable part of me I need to gather my thoughts without the outside influence. Whether its my girl friends or my guy friends I need to space out the solitude. I do need a few distractions but work is picking up so that helps although last night I cried as I was falling asleep : ( ohhhhh the tears tried to hold back the tears and my heart just couldn’t hold it all in. I know girls are made from a more emotional string or so it seems. I wish I had the strength to be stronger w/o so much emotion at times. That’s who I am. Day by Day I can do this.